Stevia

The book that introduced me to veganism, Skinny Bitch, has an entire chapter called "Sugar is the Devil" and continues on to sing the praises of natural sweeteners like agave nectar, raw cane sugar, and stevia. After doing a bit of my own research I've read that agave nectar raises blood sugar levels

Date sugar also interests me, as it sounds like a great ingredient to sweeten cakes and other baked goods. (Flashback to my super delicious raw Christmas date balls, ZOMG I love dates)

Has anyone heard of FruitSource? This article sings its praises. It replaces half of the fat on top of the sugar in a recipe. I wonder if it gets an oily texture when it's heated then. (While you're at that site check out what they have to say about sucanat and the production of sugar in general. Scary.)

"Tip: Read labels: Two new pharmaceutical-sounding sweeteners, PureVia and Truvia (made by Whole Earth Sweetener Company/Pepsi and Coke/Cargill, respectively) are made from Reb A and the sweetener erythritol, which I haven’t researched (tomorrow is another day…)" Buy Fair Trade/Organic from legit companies, y'all.

Around Christmas I found an article that was really negative about all sweeteners, only showing favor for dates and fruit in their whole form. I can't find it now and it's driving me crazy.

I bought Wisdom Natural Brands' Sweet Leaf Stevia a few weeks ago and I have been using it (alot!) in my tea, hence my curiosity as to which natural sweeteners are best. I want to know your thoughts!!

Expensive Toilet Water

It's common knowledge that Mondays and Tuesdays are the most stressful days of the week and my schedule doesn't differ. I usually pack breakfast and eat in my classes (a piece of fruit, citrus lately, then a luna bar when I feel hungry again). The walk to the bus, down the street, and up to the third floor usually gets my metabolism going. I like to be truly hungry when I eat, in keeping with Skinny Bitch mentality.

Lunches are salads like those pictured regularly on my page. Sometimes I throw in an Ezekiel Bread and hummus/pb sandwich. Nothing spectacular for less than spectacular winter weekdays.

Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays I do about an hour and a half of cardio at the gym. Between work and class that leaves little room for life. Especially after I subtract the amount of time I spend watching TV shows online (thank you 30 Rock, Arrested Development, Modern Family, The Office, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, and Grey's Anatomy)

I would really like to eat more "superfoods" but at what point do they become all gimmick? I don't just want expensive toilet water - as my nutrition professor so eloquently refers to Emergen-C and AirBorne. Sprinulina and chia seeds interest me.

On an unrelated note, S has offered to make me dinner next week. He knows full well what he's getting himself into. I anticipate his "four course meal" with interest. I'd promise pictures, but there's no way I'm geeking out by pulling out my camera. Sorry!

A new character, a rose, and a ton of soup

Although not the most bitter of Januarys (Januaries?), I cooked a lot of soup over the past week. Warm sustenance is so comforting as it fills my belly (no porn intended -- get it?! a pun of the word "pun"!! My obnoxious sense of humor creativity astounds me.)

hummus + carrot sticks = go-to snack these days. Sabra has been on sale lately. Their best flavor is definitely spinach and artichoke, it's new. Speaking of new, there's a Luna bar at my Kroger that I didn't even see on the company's website: blueberry bliss. It tastes exactly like one of those cafe muffins with the crumbly stuff on top. Luna bars are my after work, before working out snack on Tuesdays and Thursdays because they're decent on the calorie meter and good on the protein meter.

Today I made Vegetable Mafia Soup with veggie stock, onion, garlic, carrots, broccoli, lentils, cabbage, red pepper, green pepper, and some Italian spices like oregano and basil. It's pretty tasty, but also filling.

I've lost some weight since the beginning of the year by working out regularly and eating better. I feel way better about my body now that I'm more lean and I put my body to use. I'm also incorporating more steady protein into my diet by eating a soy yogurt + brown rice protein powder every day. I'll have to take a picture of my yogurt tomorrow -  it looks pretty unappetizing haha but I'd probably eat dirt if I heard it was good for me.

Guess who had a date Saturday night?!? Let me back up and say that I did not know S at all when he asked me out.  We had worked together like once, but he seemed nice enough so I agreed. I'm so glad I did because I had a great time with him. He started off very well by bringing me a rose and opening the door for me (I must say that he gave me the flower in an uncreepy way. Promise.)

Note my room mate Jane doing homework in the background. "You guys are the perfect amount of weird for each other." She had the pleasure of waiting with him while I grabbed a vase for the rose.

We went to one of my favorite restaurants in Athens, Salaam where I had the curried couscous (my favorite item on the menu, I think) and the Salaam salad minus the feta. He got some chicken thing. We chatted easily and I laughed a lot. After our late dinner we went back to my house and watched It's Always Sunny (The Gang Solves the North Korea Situation) and Contact.

I love having four roommates because someone is always around to diffuse odd situations. It would have felt rushed to have watched movies late at night on the first date, had I lived alone. But my roommates' presence in the other room set a tone of, shall we say...friendship.

I initiated a hug in place of a kiss goodbye. It's so refreshing to be treated well by a guy who's interested. I'm used to being invited to a party and having drunken make out sessions. They've gotten real old. He picked me up for dinner, we watched some movies, and have since planned to see each other again soon. Conveniently our schedules overlap for about an hour at work, so I'll see him tomorrow.

Usually when a guy comes around that I'm interested in I feel overly self-aware, but S made me feel comfortable. Maybe it's because he asked me out whilst we stairmastered. He's seen me at my worst. He's not my usual type, but I'm enjoying the change of pace and the casual dates.

I'll keep you updated ;)

I-I-I-I'm so Hard

WOO HOOO look who's online at 11pm on a Friday night! ;)

I'm sitting on my parent's couch doing homework while they're in bed (I'm digging myself in deeper here, I know). I came home for the long weekend for some appointments and to spend some family time. My mom, grandpa, and aunt were in a car accident on Tuesday evening and my mom is incredibly shaken up about it. Everyone is okay, but the impact broke my grandpa's back and his sternum. He has Parkinson's and has been working in physical therapy five days a week for the past four months in order to move into an independent living facility. Now he needs surgery so they've taken him off of his meds and his Parkinson's is slowly creeping back. We're crossing our fingers that he doesn't continue to digress past the progress that he made in physical therapy.

Anyway, I'm home for moral support. Depression often sneaks in on me and my family and my mom is the current victim.

I've been eating pretty boring lately. I love what I eat, of course, it's just not worth taking a zillion pictures exactly like this one:

Sweet potatoes, broccoli, Braggs, hummus, Indian spices, onion...I think that was it. I also had a soy yogurt with protein powder - a new rival for hummus as my main food group, I think!

I'm loving my workout schedule. Three days a week for a little over an hour I walk/run, do the eliptical, then the stairmaster, then a bunch of crunches. I'm feeling a lot healthier, I have more energy, my clothes are fitting better...Life is good when you exercise!

I found two flavors of Luna Bars at WF tonight that I've never tried before: Dulce de Leche and Chai Tea. Pretty sure I've seen them before and just didn't want to try them ha! They were 99 cents I decided to be adventurous and picked them up along with my soy yog, dried mango, and Kombucha. At the checkout line the woman asked if I wanted to donate the money you recieve for bringing a reusable grocery bag(10 cents, I think?) to help in Haiti relief. I thought it was cool of the WF Corp. to join the aid train. (As opposed to the AIDS train...haha...*ahem*)

***Question: do you ever do classes at the gym? Which ones have you liked and which ones have you hated?

Know anyone who knows ethical retail? HELP!

I'm writing an article about ethical clothing for my Reporting Contemporary Issues class - more specifically I'm going to find out where the college spirit clothes for my school are produced and in what conditions. Please comment if you know anyone who is well-versed in ethical retail purchasing (ie they own a vegan clothing store). Of course, if that person is you, I want to talk to you!! Thanks!

Sunday, Bloody Sunday

Ahh this feels familiar: hours spent pouring over textbooks, friends over for brunch, watching movies in bed on my computer, calling mom and catching her answering machine...Yesterday must have been a Sunday. Alas, not a very good one.

I've gone almost a week without Lexapro (thanks, CVS), which was completely unintentional, so I've been trapped on an emotional rollercoaster for the past few days. Yesterday morning I cried for about an hour for no reason, not fun. Thank God my roommates are so loving; they hugged me and sat by my side. After that minor episode we had friends over for the weekly Sunday Brunch. I didn't take pictures because I had already eaten and the meal wasn't vegan. We only had two friends this week and I wanted to hang with them since they're ones I know well. After a couple of hours spent chatting about Arrested Development, the Muppets, and dirt found on historical figures through FBI databases they set out into the snow and I returned to my study cave:

Please note the space heater pointed directly at my chair. It' freakin cold by those windows (and everywhere else in my house).

When I was finished I started to watch Youth in Revolt with Michael Cera, whom I love. So far so good - I't s mostly funny because it's so ridiculous, which seems to be a theme for my brand of humor of late (It's Always Sunny, Arrested Development, 30 Rock).

Dinner was a big plate of veggies:

More specifically raw lettuce, sprouts, and a few carrots + steamed cauliflower, sweet potato, broccoli, and carrots + a sauce of Braggs, Indian spices, and a few dollops of hummus (Basha garlic). Later I had a soy yogurt with protein powder and a piece of Ezekiel bread with hummus. By the end of the day my hormones felt stabalized somewhat.

I even feel good today. I've been praying with my roommate and on my own a lot about it. Jesus experienced depression; God knows how it feels like quicksand. I'm going to CVS to pick up my prescription today, finally. I just hope that jumping back to 20 mgs won't cause an effect similar to yesterday.

On the bright side, today begins week two of winter quarter; that's progress. I'm going back to work, weather permitting, 3-6pm Monday through Friday. (I work at an afterschool program for disadvantaged elementry school kids in the local city schools. Because of the weather they didn't have school last week, so I haven't seen them since before winter break! Miss those guys.)

Also, I'm going to Columbus this weekend to be a part of a fundraiser for an orphanage in Thailand called the House of Love. One of my friends lived there as a volunteer last summer and she's helping to organize the night of information, Thai food, and generosity.

I'm missing the annual Walk for the Homeless, which raises awareness here in Athens for the large number of people who live without shelter. I've never taken part in the Walk, but my room mate Jane works for Good Works and I've heard her describe it quite a few times as she has recruited our friends over the past few months:

Apparently there are a few different walks you can be a part of, one of which is side-by-side with men and women who have been or are currently homeless. The whole idea is to raise awareness of the vast number of homeless people in Athens County by putting a face on the issue. Meet people who are or have been homeless, talk to them about their lives or just relate to them as fellow Americans and humans. After walking there's a meal of beans and rice eaten in solidarity to think of the rest of the world who sustains on that alone.

So that's what's been on my mind lately. I hope I'm able to share more meals (and less emotional crap) with you over the coming week!

Music Meditation

In my quiet time today I felt as if I should hit "shuffle" on my iPod and interpret whichever song came on to be from God. I've interpreted music accordingly since I was pretty young - music hits a place inside that's hard to reach; that place that often hurts. I'd like to let God into that place.

I got "Poison and Wine" by The Civil Wars. Here are the highlights:

You only know what I want you to

(I know everything you don't want me to)

I'm so silly and I always think that I can hide things from Him, i.e. ulterior motives, lusful or otherwise impure thoughts, or being locked into an image-driven mindset.

Oh your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine

(Oooh you think your dreams are the same as mine)

A lot of the time I don't like what I hear from him; the things I should or shouldn't do. .Although reading of his love for me in the Bible is intoxicating...I'm so set on graduating and going into the Peace Corps - what if that's not the best I can do? Perhaps he has bigger things in mind.

Oooh I don't love you, but I always will (x3)

I always will

He doesn't love my sins, which at times consume my thoughts and actions, but He'll always love me.

I wish you'd hold me when I turn my back

(Ooh the less I give, the more I get back)

When I'm stuck in my own ways, choosing sin or my own interests above others - which is quite often - I want His affirming embrace most of all. But through positive reinforcement He guides me away from sin and to an others-focused mentality.

Oh your hands can heal, your hands can bruise

(I don't have a choice, I still choose you)

When I'm not in his grace, my selfish actions have a way of bruising my ego. Now that I know the truth, that God is real, when I don't live what I've learned and I take steps backward on the path, I eat it. Something happens that shows me, "Wow, I'm an idiot on my own." Like last week when I had my 'Day of Mourning' and wrote the New Year's entry. I do have a choice, but I still choose Him.

Oh I don't love you, but I always will (x7)

 I always will (x4)

God doesn't love my sinful ways, but he loves me everyday more than I can imagine. I'm learning that as I count the number of times he reaches me, even when I'm the most self-focused rut.

Sometimes I don't like him, but I'll always love him. When I want to do something my way or when I don't want to make a fool out of myself by telling the girl at the bus stop that "I feel like God's telling me to let you know that He loves you," I choose my comfort over the abundant joy that's available on his path.

I feel truly alive when I'm serving others and meeting their needs. I loose myself in the well being of another person and it's so freeing! It generally accepted that part of human health is a spiritual outlet - I believe we as humans were created to live in a relationship with God. Humans all over the world practice prayer and meditation not because we're collectively weak but because we're strong enough to forgo our own needs.

**Question: Do you exercise yourself spiritually? If so, how?

healthier state of mind, and body

tonight's dinner was a heaping plate full of veggies, drizzled with some Drew's raspberry salad dressing, olive oil, and pepper. More specifically, steamed vegetables and brown rice next to a salad. To end it all, a glass of red wine. Lovely :) My room mate, Jane, and I are watching some aweful Matthew McCaughnehey movie called Sahara.

I purposefully took some time in between these last two posts to work though the strong negativity I was feeling. I can honestly say that I'm feeling like a different person. I came back to school to start winter quarter, car and computer fixed thanks to my dad and my brother.

I've worked out twice this week, well on my way to meeting my goal of three times every week this year. Those much needed endorphins worked with my revised diet to make me feel rejuvenated. I've been praying and making time for quiet this week too.

I'm going to the grocery store tomorrow and I plan to buy:
1. Ezekiel bread
2. WholeSoy soy yogurt
3. Cauliflower and carrots
4. Sweet potatoes
5. Grapefruit
6. Salad dressing
7. Hummus (one of my food groups)

***Question: What's a sauce you'd eat on just about anything??

Happy Fucking New Year

Mom: "Morgan, I only have three of your socks."
Me: "Yep, that sounds right."
"Your socks don't come in pairs?"
"Nothing in my life comes in pairs."

I was less than surprised that my unorganized mess of a room failed to yield an even number of garments for the washing machine. 2009 was chaotic. My GPA tanked last quarter, I've lost a third of my clothes and the other two thirds are dirty, the company I ordered that text book from can't find a copy to send, I've gained about 50 pounds so my self-confidence is all over the place, I can't find the internship that I need in order to graduate, my house has mice - and therefore poop in surprising locations. Everything is erratic and I don't feel as if there's any person or feeling that I can rely on. My friends in Columbus aren't around when I'm in Athens, and to my friends in Athens I feel dispensable.

Similarly, my car broke down because I ran over a cement curb, puncturing the fuel tank and coolant (tank?). I did not realize this and tried to drive to Columbus for its repair, further damaging the engine and warping the head gasket (whatever that is). That was about three months ago and it's still in repair. My dad is an auto mechanic in his free time.

My laptop charger stopped working about halfway through the quarter (end of September), so I bought a new one on Ebay that took three weeks to arrive and stopped working the next day. My dad bought me a good one, only to have the computer stop charging entirely. Six weeks and a new computer part later, my laptop sits disassembled and scattered across two rooms and two tables. My brother is orchestrating it back to one piece as I write this.

My cell phone is the one electronic item that I own that sticks in my hand as an ally. It has rung AAA and 911 like a champ regardless of the number of times I drop it from waist height. It's also, come to think of it, one of the few objects in my life I have not named (i.e. my iPod is tikka and my car is Rocky). One small crack in its mirrored face is the only scar of its durable nature despite a rough lifestyle.

I've had my fair share of crappy New Years Eve situations, and this one was no different. Better, perhaps, than the one spent driving to a party - but at least then my best friend was with me and we got to honk the horn and be obnoxious. Different, for sure, than my senior year of high school; my desperate attempt at a relationship lost in a mud of hormones.

The world just swirls around me, as I spent the moment the ticker flipped to 00:00 this morning. I spent a few seconds navigating the crowd in search of my friends before resigning to stationary solidarity. I found them a few minutes later and we left the large crowd to take shots and watch It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (note my inebriated tweets...). Someone ordered pizza from Hound Dog's and I decided to make it "vegan" by pulling off the cheese and pepperoni. So that, my friends, is how I celebrated a new beginning: four beers, a few shots, and shotty pizza in my belly. At least I slept well in a friend's clean bed.


I wouldn't have noticed it was a new decade - or even a new year - as the day was unremarkable. Alas, calamity continues as I gather what I can from Columbus and transport it to Athens. Winter quarter starts Monday and I'm not ready for the homework, new classes, or working five days a week. I'm exhausted in a way that no amount of hours spent in clean beds can ease. I've been running an emotional race and I believe that God provides the rest that I crave. I've been trying to reach out to him for the past few weeks, but I feel myself drifting into narcissism.

If you ever miss college because you remember hanging out with friends until early morning and sleeping in, indulging in beer and pizza or some other localized greasy equivalent, just remember that those things were surrounded by another, larger feeling of unease. This period of life called "college" is essential, but emotionally and mentally rigorous.

So as a new years resolution, I'm implementing balance - or trying to.

I apologize for my giant rant of a post. It's the beginning of a bloggier 2010. I need a hobby to keep my sanity. More photos are in the future!!