Happy Fucking New Year

Mom: "Morgan, I only have three of your socks."
Me: "Yep, that sounds right."
"Your socks don't come in pairs?"
"Nothing in my life comes in pairs."

I was less than surprised that my unorganized mess of a room failed to yield an even number of garments for the washing machine. 2009 was chaotic. My GPA tanked last quarter, I've lost a third of my clothes and the other two thirds are dirty, the company I ordered that text book from can't find a copy to send, I've gained about 50 pounds so my self-confidence is all over the place, I can't find the internship that I need in order to graduate, my house has mice - and therefore poop in surprising locations. Everything is erratic and I don't feel as if there's any person or feeling that I can rely on. My friends in Columbus aren't around when I'm in Athens, and to my friends in Athens I feel dispensable.

Similarly, my car broke down because I ran over a cement curb, puncturing the fuel tank and coolant (tank?). I did not realize this and tried to drive to Columbus for its repair, further damaging the engine and warping the head gasket (whatever that is). That was about three months ago and it's still in repair. My dad is an auto mechanic in his free time.

My laptop charger stopped working about halfway through the quarter (end of September), so I bought a new one on Ebay that took three weeks to arrive and stopped working the next day. My dad bought me a good one, only to have the computer stop charging entirely. Six weeks and a new computer part later, my laptop sits disassembled and scattered across two rooms and two tables. My brother is orchestrating it back to one piece as I write this.

My cell phone is the one electronic item that I own that sticks in my hand as an ally. It has rung AAA and 911 like a champ regardless of the number of times I drop it from waist height. It's also, come to think of it, one of the few objects in my life I have not named (i.e. my iPod is tikka and my car is Rocky). One small crack in its mirrored face is the only scar of its durable nature despite a rough lifestyle.

I've had my fair share of crappy New Years Eve situations, and this one was no different. Better, perhaps, than the one spent driving to a party - but at least then my best friend was with me and we got to honk the horn and be obnoxious. Different, for sure, than my senior year of high school; my desperate attempt at a relationship lost in a mud of hormones.

The world just swirls around me, as I spent the moment the ticker flipped to 00:00 this morning. I spent a few seconds navigating the crowd in search of my friends before resigning to stationary solidarity. I found them a few minutes later and we left the large crowd to take shots and watch It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (note my inebriated tweets...). Someone ordered pizza from Hound Dog's and I decided to make it "vegan" by pulling off the cheese and pepperoni. So that, my friends, is how I celebrated a new beginning: four beers, a few shots, and shotty pizza in my belly. At least I slept well in a friend's clean bed.


I wouldn't have noticed it was a new decade - or even a new year - as the day was unremarkable. Alas, calamity continues as I gather what I can from Columbus and transport it to Athens. Winter quarter starts Monday and I'm not ready for the homework, new classes, or working five days a week. I'm exhausted in a way that no amount of hours spent in clean beds can ease. I've been running an emotional race and I believe that God provides the rest that I crave. I've been trying to reach out to him for the past few weeks, but I feel myself drifting into narcissism.

If you ever miss college because you remember hanging out with friends until early morning and sleeping in, indulging in beer and pizza or some other localized greasy equivalent, just remember that those things were surrounded by another, larger feeling of unease. This period of life called "college" is essential, but emotionally and mentally rigorous.

So as a new years resolution, I'm implementing balance - or trying to.

I apologize for my giant rant of a post. It's the beginning of a bloggier 2010. I need a hobby to keep my sanity. More photos are in the future!!