Friday, February 26, 2010

Done-zo

My jump to WordPress is complete!! I'm already having way more fun and being way more professional than my first attempt at blogging. Follow me!!

Thursday, February 25, 2010

MOVING

To WordPress, y'all. Check it.

Monday, February 22, 2010

The insanity that is week 8 of the quarter

I purchased the following on yesterday's Kroger excursion:
WOO! ALMOND BUTTER!! I justified my purchase of this pricy "little" guy with 1)it was on sale and 2)I didn't buy Ezekiel bread (again). I'm not financially stable enough to buy a $5 loaf of nutritional bliss, unfortunately, so I bought a $4 jar of nut butter instead. Makes sense, right? (Considering it was either Ezekiel bread and peanut butter/hummus or just almond butter, well, yes.)

Not pictured is a box of shredded wheat. I'm really into the giant shredded wheats that you only need like one of to feel satisfied. Breakfast the last few days has been a mango followed by one shredded wheat + Tbsp of nut butter (before was peanut, today was almond!!).

Last night I also set up a week of eats by roasting, boiling, and marinating:
original product

sliced, boiling to mild flavor

setting up the marinade

goin' into the fridge

I also bought tofu which I drained, cut into chunks, and marinated in a delicious mixture of miso/water + Bragg's.

Mmmmm cauliflower, eggplant, baby carrots, and sweet potato roastin' away. I splashed them with olive oil (I really need to get some high-heat oil like coconut one of these days)and dusted with salt and pepper before popping them in at 350 for about 40 minutes. I like 'em a little crunchy!

I'm juggling four projects, one for each of my classes, these last few weeks and it's been rough. Interviewing, article-writing, exam-taking, language-creating, data-set-making...but all I've wanted to do is watch Shutter Island!!! Luckily I got to see it last night and I must say, I was impressed. The cinematography, acting, and story line all kept my attention. I'm a bit of a horror movie snob and although Shutter Island was marketed as a psychological thriller, it matches classic-style horror. Go see it, if you can handle a little mental rough housing.

Last week

I have been reading your blogs religiously, as always, but have sparse time with which to post pictures of my recent eats. I hope you enjoy low-quality photos snapped mid-meal:

 
super filling breakfast of choice:
oats+water+cinnamon+ Justin's organic almond butter

 
ghetto asian night:
miso soup (Tofu Shirataki noodles, carrot, kale, leeks, okra, garlic, onion, miso, water) + sushi burrito (sauteed kale, garlic, onion, olive oil wrapped in a sheet of nori)


Vegan Dad's tarka dhal (plus mung sprouts because I had them and minus tomatoes because rarely buy them out-of-season)


tarka dhal plated (topped with green onions, mung sprouts, and unfortunately-not-fresh cilantro)



I made a big grocery trip yesterday for lots of produce. I started roasting veggies on the regular and I love, love them!! I ate an entire eggplant over the course of 24 hours, along with a head of cauliflower and a bag of baby carrots in 48. My room mates joke that I should give up vegetables for lent next year. I honestly don't know what I'd do.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Lent and an epiphany

This year for Lent - oh, wait, this is my first year ever observing Lent - My room mates and I decided to keep each other accountable in the way we speak about people. When we speak negatively about someone, we have to do ten push-ups.

So far I love this. Not only do I feel incentive to hold my tongue instead of saying something mean (which causes me to re-think what I was going to say and to give the person greater consideration), but I feel like less negative energy goes into the world on my behalf.

Matthew 12:34b-37 "For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. 35The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him. 36But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken. 37For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned." Shazam.

Today I finally went back to work!! Yay!! (I work at an after school program for disadvantaged elementary school kids in an Appalachian county.)I loved seeing my little love bugs.

Today I had an epiphany.....I want to be a teacher. I don't know how it will ever happen or when I'll go to school to do it legally, but I want to teach. I love the structure of the school day, knowing you're prepping these kids for success, and keeping them safe. Most of their home lives are terrible but for a couple of hours during the day I get to make them smile and feel loved. Funny, the one occupation I said I'd never dream of doing is the one that has my heart.

Journalism is great - it's exciting and makes my pulse quicken - but I've known for a while that I'll never work as a journalist. I'm far too laid back and empathetic to barrage a grieving family for quotes about their murdered loved one. I can't do that "shoe leather reporting", as my professors call it.

Anyway, as for food:

Breakfast: an orange + vanilla almond Luna bar (my new fav flavor!! tasted like Rice Crispy Treats....drool.) + coffee (a rare treat that seemed to rev my hunger like nuts)

Lunch: super hungry from the coffee, I first had a carrot, then some curry-cayenne chickpeas, then some cantaloupe, then a packet of pb. Plus a few glasses of water. Once that beast of hunger was tamed, I set to work transcribing an interview from last Friday and throwing together a study guide for my Communication Law exam on Monday.

I worked, then ate another Luna bar (caramel nut brownie) on the way to the gym.

I just started lifting so that I can build some muscle (side note: growing up involved in sports I had such great muscle mass. When I stopped eating a couple of years ago, it all disappeared FAST. Now I want it back!). I'm still easing into it. Today I did 4 sets of 10 leg presses with about 100lbs (don't laugh), inner thighs, outer thighs, and arms.

Unfortunately, I have a shin splint so I'm not running. Today was a little baby cardio workout. I miss my cardio fests :( Today I did 30 mins on an elliptical-ish machine that's legs-only with a cross ramp of 10 so that it worked my glutes and quads and so that my shin wasn't strained. Then I did 20 minutes of the strength setting on the reclining bike thing. (I'm embarassing myself here, aren't I? Not knowing the names of anything I use. Wimpy workouts. Oh well, I'm just glad I'm motivated.) I've kept my New Years goal to work out 3 times a week! :)

Dinner: Vegan Dad's Tarka Dal (or my college rendition of it)
Desert: a few spoonfuls of crunchy pb and a handful of raw pumpkin seeds

Tomorrow I hunt for chia seeds!! Wish me luck!

Saturday, February 13, 2010

"Lookin, feelin like a million bucks"

(Written 6pm Feb 11th - waited to publish with pix!)

Just got home from the gym so my workout jams are stuck in my head. Hence the title.

I wanted to time myself running a mile and it wasn't pretty. Not only did I have the cardio overseer staring in my direction by the end, watching for me to pass out, but everyone who saw my scarlet face seemed to look at me as if I had seven eyes.

It took me about twelve minutes to run a mile. Ouch. I need to push myself more.

I stayed on the treadmill jogging and walking at an incline for the rest of 30 minutes, elipticalled for 20, and took my first ever step class. It was carazay! I was already sort of beat from my run and I don't think all of that up-down action is right for me. I still want to do a zumba class, but the gym only schedules them at weirdo times like 8am or 9pm. Alas, I had a good time today!

Now my knee is objecting to the run so I slapped an ice pack on it. I try to stay on the eliptical and bike so I don't strain my already objecting joints, but today I really wanted to see the progress I'd made over the past couple of months by timing my mile.

 
The view through my screen door - as close to the elements as I was willing to get. Note the KFC across the street...the neighbor that makes my house smell like vomit in the summer.

No work AGAIN because elementary schools are still closed. I'm annoyed at this point because I need money. At least I got paid today for the last two weeks so I can pay my bills and do a bit of grocery shopping.

 
We didn't get near as much snow as Columbus.


I'm looking forward to a Valentines weekend sans a valentine - I've conveniently never had a boyfriend over Valentines Day, anyway. I believe a dance party is in order at some point this weekend (complete with rap music and a strobe light. Jealous?) and my cousin Ashley is coming to visit on Sunday.

Home made sushi: a photo essay

Last Friday night I stayed in with some girls to make sushi and watch Say Anything (that John Cusak movie with the boom box):
Ingredients included carrots, shallots, avocado, spinach, sprouts, and miso brown rice
Kaiti, birthday girl, is the pro at slicing sushi rolls.

Notice the two legitimate pieces (Kaiti) followed by mush (me). That's why I just wrap things in strips of nori and shove them in my mouth 'Indian food' style when I'm eating by myself.
 
Ridiculously small cupcakes! (And a shot of my kitchen ....)

Kathleen shows off the Clementine v navel orange


The finished product! We didn't use all of the avocado in the sushi so we made some guacamole too. We didn't really watch the movie, it was pretty much background noise. Love these girls!!

Baking noms for squirrels

I'm not going to act like it's not routine for me to be at home on the computer at 11:30 on a Friday night in the winter! Don't get me wrong, I love to get all dressed up and go out, but I love a balance between that and staying in. When it's below 60 degrees outside I just seem to spend more time in than out on weekends.

Today was pretty vanilla. Class 9-10am, grocery store (see exciting food pix to follow!), interview, and helped my roommate move her furniture around. The interview went really well. I do love journalism, I'm just not sure what I want to do with it....or where I can get an internship for the summer.

Which reminds me, I don't think I've mentioned what I hope to do this summer. One of the professors in the j-school is starting a study abroad program to Uganda and this summer will be the maiden voyage. Those who go will receive class credit, internship credit, spend time doing pilates (I know, strange, but apparently he has an affinity for it) and learning the culture through visiting slums, playing musical instruments, and dancing. Basically this trip was designed for me. Now if only my checking account (from which I over drafted last week) agreed. Maybe that guy with the giant checks will appear at my doorstep with $6 grand tomorrow.

Anyway, I got some new things at the grocery store today. Here are a few:
 
Justin's Organic PB packets were at Kroger!! I got almond butter, honey pb, maple almond butter, and cinnamon pb
Cinnamon pb was my first victim, squeezed directly from packet to mouth like a child :) It was delicious. I think I'm looking forward to the maple almond butter the most, though.

Have you tried Justin's pb packets? Which flavor is your favorite??


Found a new flavor of Luna bar - I feel as if I've had four new flavors in the last month and I like that. Dulce de Leche, Blueberry Bliss, Chai Spice, Raspberries and Chocolate, and now Vanilla Almond?! They're on a roll. Get away from that Lemon zest shizz. Oh yeah, I also bought a baby ginger claw because I'm obsessed with ginger. Dude was like 35 cents.

 
I've wanted to try these since I heard about them like three years ago. Before even my vegetarian days I frequented the Hungry Girl site and she lurrrves her some shiritaki noodles.

I honestly don't see what the big deal is. First of all, I was not impressed that each serving contained <1g protein. Second, they're rubbery and smell icky. Granted, the package admits to the funky smell and tells you how to get rid of it (microwave for 1 min), but it put me off nonetheless. 

I added the noodles to a miso soup I based off of The Voracious Vegan's Miso Soup for the Vegan Soul, but to which I added a ton of veggies that have been chillin in my fridge (i.e. red and white cabbage). I omitted the chickpeas and farfalle because I wanted to use the Tofu Shirataki noodles instead. Unfortunately, the noodles remained rubbery and tasteless in the soup. Next time I will make the soup per the instructions fo sho.

Oh yeah, I found roasted nori sheets at Kroger last week and I've been really into wrapping everything in them since. Take for example what I ate basically all of last week: lentils + sauteed kale and caramelized onion + peanut butter + splash of Bragg's. It's an unlikely combination, I know, but it was so delicious. I have no photo evidence, but I'll make it again soon and document it. 

I've been much better about snapping photos over the past few days, probably because I haven't had to work. I've spent a lot more time at the gym because of my open schedule. My room mate made vegan date bread with some (not Medjool) dates I bought on sale at K-Roger's and didn't like. The bread was good, though, especially the gooey middle pieces.


Someone must have thrown out that end piece on the left because this morning I saw this!

 Note the Amy's pizza box - roasted vegetable is the best pizza I've ever had in my life. But you should have seen that crazed little guy scarf that bread! He didn't even care that me and two of my room mates were gawking at him from a few feet away. Poor guy!

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Oh man...

So much to say. I ended things with that guy S today and he blew up on me. Might I add that we'd been on three dates and I wanted to break things off in a civil and respectful way? He spewed a bunch of hate back my way, but I suppose you'll meet people like that. I'm sad for him, really, because he'd made our relationship into something much larger than it was and I wasn't ready for that. (Also he thinks interracial dating is wrong and he enjoys hunting...)

 My lovely roommate Anna bought me (and herself!) some Purely Decadent Chocolate Peanut Butter Swirl ice cream so that my tart day would have a sweet ending. She's great. I added some pb to it haha I'm a pb fiend.



SUPER EXCITING NEWS is two of my roommates taking the Vegan 30-day Challenge! After I provided Anna with some reading material she immediately said she wanted to make some changes. It rocked her world to know that cows don't consistently produce milk naturally, without being sperminated. (Her parents still don't believe her on that fact, either!) Now instead of living with three omnis and one vegetarian, I live with two omnis and two veg*ns!

I've kept up my 3x a week workout New Years Resolution and I feel and look so much better for it. School has been pretty stressful, but I think I'm in the groove now that I know what my professors are looking for. Next week it's time to schedule for Spring Quarter - this Winter Quarter is flying and I'm so glad!

 
One of our dining room windows, festively decorated by Jane.


All of the local schools have been closed since Monday because of all of the snow and the slush-turned-ice. I slipped walking down my back steps on the way to the bus this morning, but luckily I caught myself on the railing. You could say I glided down the stairs, really. Maybe it was even intentional, I can't really remember...

I'm sure there's a ton of other relevant details (like an idea for a new blog) to add - and I have lots of food pix, but they'll have to wait for tomorrow! Goodnight.

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Stevia

The book that introduced me to veganism, Skinny Bitch, has an entire chapter called "Sugar is the Devil" and continues on to sing the praises of natural sweeteners like agave nectar, raw cane sugar, and stevia. After doing a bit of my own research I've read that agave nectar raises blood sugar levels

Date sugar also interests me, as it sounds like a great ingredient to sweeten cakes and other baked goods. (Flashback to my super delicious raw Christmas date balls, ZOMG I love dates)

Has anyone heard of FruitSource? This article sings its praises. It replaces half of the fat on top of the sugar in a recipe. I wonder if it gets an oily texture when it's heated then. (While you're at that site check out what they have to say about sucanat and the production of sugar in general. Scary.)

"Tip: Read labels: Two new pharmaceutical-sounding sweeteners, PureVia and Truvia (made by Whole Earth Sweetener Company/Pepsi and Coke/Cargill, respectively) are made from Reb A and the sweetener erythritol, which I haven’t researched (tomorrow is another day…)" Buy Fair Trade/Organic from legit companies, y'all.

Around Christmas I found an article that was really negative about all sweeteners, only showing favor for dates and fruit in their whole form. I can't find it now and it's driving me crazy.

I bought Wisdom Natural Brands' Sweet Leaf Stevia a few weeks ago and I have been using it (alot!) in my tea, hence my curiosity as to which natural sweeteners are best. I want to know your thoughts!!

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Expensive Toilet Water

It's common knowledge that Mondays and Tuesdays are the most stressful days of the week and my schedule doesn't differ. I usually pack breakfast and eat in my classes (a piece of fruit, citrus lately, then a luna bar when I feel hungry again). The walk to the bus, down the street, and up to the third floor usually gets my metabolism going. I like to be truly hungry when I eat, in keeping with Skinny Bitch mentality.




Lunches are salads like those pictured regularly on my page. Sometimes I throw in an Ezekiel Bread and hummus/pb sandwich. Nothing spectacular for less than spectacular winter weekdays.

Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays I do about an hour and a half of cardio at the gym. Between work and class that leaves little room for life. Especially after I subtract the amount of time I spend watching TV shows online (thank you 30 Rock, Arrested Development, Modern Family, The Office, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, and Grey's Anatomy)

I would really like to eat more "superfoods" but at what point do they become all gimmick? I don't just want expensive toilet water - as my nutrition professor so eloquently refers to Emergen-C and AirBorne. Sprinulina and chia seeds interest me.

On an unrelated note, S has offered to make me dinner next week. He knows full well what he's getting himself into. I anticipate his "four course meal" with interest. I'd promise pictures, but there's no way I'm geeking out by pulling out my camera. Sorry!

Sunday, January 24, 2010

A new character, a rose, and a ton of soup

Although not the most bitter of Januarys (Januaries?), I cooked a lot of soup over the past week. Warm sustenance is so comforting as it fills my belly (no porn intended -- get it?! a pun of the word "pun"!! My obnoxious sense of humor creativity astounds me.)




hummus + carrot sticks = go-to snack these days. Sabra has been on sale lately. Their best flavor is definitely spinach and artichoke, it's new. Speaking of new, there's a Luna bar at my Kroger that I didn't even see on the company's website: blueberry bliss. It tastes exactly like one of those cafe muffins with the crumbly stuff on top. Luna bars are my after work, before working out snack on Tuesdays and Thursdays because they're decent on the calorie meter and good on the protein meter.


Today I made Vegetable Mafia Soup with veggie stock, onion, garlic, carrots, broccoli, lentils, cabbage, red pepper, green pepper, and some Italian spices like oregano and basil. It's pretty tasty, but also filling.

I've lost some weight since the beginning of the year by working out regularly and eating better. I feel way better about my body now that I'm more lean and I put my body to use. I'm also incorporating more steady protein into my diet by eating a soy yogurt + brown rice protein powder every day. I'll have to take a picture of my yogurt tomorrow -  it looks pretty unappetizing haha but I'd probably eat dirt if I heard it was good for me.

Guess who had a date Saturday night?!? Let me back up and say that I did not know S at all when he asked me out.  We had worked together like once, but he seemed nice enough so I agreed. I'm so glad I did because I had a great time with him. He started off very well by bringing me a rose and opening the door for me (I must say that he gave me the flower in an uncreepy way. Promise.)

Note my room mate Jane doing homework in the background. "You guys are the perfect amount of weird for each other." She had the pleasure of waiting with him while I grabbed a vase for the rose.

We went to one of my favorite restaurants in Athens, Salaam where I had the curried couscous (my favorite item on the menu, I think) and the Salaam salad minus the feta. He got some chicken thing. We chatted easily and I laughed a lot. After our late dinner we went back to my house and watched It's Always Sunny (The Gang Solves the North Korea Situation) and Contact.

I love having four roommates because someone is always around to diffuse odd situations. It would have felt rushed to have watched movies late at night on the first date, had I lived alone. But my roommates' presence in the other room set a tone of, shall we say...friendship.

I initiated a hug in place of a kiss goodbye. It's so refreshing to be treated well by a guy who's interested. I'm used to being invited to a party and having drunken make out sessions. They've gotten real old. He picked me up for dinner, we watched some movies, and have since planned to see each other again soon. Conveniently our schedules overlap for about an hour at work, so I'll see him tomorrow.

Usually when a guy comes around that I'm interested in I feel overly self-aware, but S made me feel comfortable. Maybe it's because he asked me out whilst we stairmastered. He's seen me at my worst. He's not my usual type, but I'm enjoying the change of pace and the casual dates.

I'll keep you updated ;)

Friday, January 15, 2010

I-I-I-I'm so Hard

WOO HOOO look who's online at 11pm on a Friday night! ;)

I'm sitting on my parent's couch doing homework while they're in bed (I'm digging myself in deeper here, I know). I came home for the long weekend for some appointments and to spend some family time. My mom, grandpa, and aunt were in a car accident on Tuesday evening and my mom is incredibly shaken up about it. Everyone is okay, but the impact broke my grandpa's back and his sternum. He has Parkinson's and has been working in physical therapy five days a week for the past four months in order to move into an independent living facility. Now he needs surgery so they've taken him off of his meds and his Parkinson's is slowly creeping back. We're crossing our fingers that he doesn't continue to digress past the progress that he made in physical therapy.

Anyway, I'm home for moral support. Depression often sneaks in on me and my family and my mom is the current victim.

I've been eating pretty boring lately. I love what I eat, of course, it's just not worth taking a zillion pictures exactly like this one:


Sweet potatoes, broccoli, Braggs, hummus, Indian spices, onion...I think that was it. I also had a soy yogurt with protein powder - a new rival for hummus as my main food group, I think!

I'm loving my workout schedule. Three days a week for a little over an hour I walk/run, do the eliptical, then the stairmaster, then a bunch of crunches. I'm feeling a lot healthier, I have more energy, my clothes are fitting better...Life is good when you exercise!

I found two flavors of Luna Bars at WF tonight that I've never tried before: Dulce de Leche and Chai Tea. Pretty sure I've seen them before and just didn't want to try them ha! They were 99 cents I decided to be adventurous and picked them up along with my soy yog, dried mango, and Kombucha. At the checkout line the woman asked if I wanted to donate the money you recieve for bringing a reusable grocery bag(10 cents, I think?) to help in Haiti relief. I thought it was cool of the WF Corp. to join the aid train. (As opposed to the AIDS train...haha...*ahem*)

***Question: do you ever do classes at the gym? Which ones have you liked and which ones have you hated?

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Know anyone who knows ethical retail? HELP!

I'm writing an article about ethical clothing for my Reporting Contemporary Issues class - more specifically I'm going to find out where the college spirit clothes for my school are produced and in what conditions. Please comment if you know anyone who is well-versed in ethical retail purchasing (ie they own a vegan clothing store). Of course, if that person is you, I want to talk to you!! Thanks!

Monday, January 11, 2010

Sunday, Bloody Sunday

Ahh this feels familiar: hours spent pouring over textbooks, friends over for brunch, watching movies in bed on my computer, calling mom and catching her answering machine...Yesterday must have been a Sunday. Alas, not a very good one.

I've gone almost a week without Lexapro (thanks, CVS), which was completely unintentional, so I've been trapped on an emotional rollercoaster for the past few days. Yesterday morning I cried for about an hour for no reason, not fun. Thank God my roommates are so loving; they hugged me and sat by my side. After that minor episode we had friends over for the weekly Sunday Brunch. I didn't take pictures because I had already eaten and the meal wasn't vegan. We only had two friends this week and I wanted to hang with them since they're ones I know well. After a couple of hours spent chatting about Arrested Development, the Muppets, and dirt found on historical figures through FBI databases they set out into the snow and I returned to my study cave:


Please note the space heater pointed directly at my chair. It' freakin cold by those windows (and everywhere else in my house).

When I was finished I started to watch Youth in Revolt with Michael Cera, whom I love. So far so good - I't s mostly funny because it's so ridiculous, which seems to be a theme for my brand of humor of late (It's Always Sunny, Arrested Development, 30 Rock).

Dinner was a big plate of veggies:


More specifically raw lettuce, sprouts, and a few carrots + steamed cauliflower, sweet potato, broccoli, and carrots + a sauce of Braggs, Indian spices, and a few dollops of hummus (Basha garlic). Later I had a soy yogurt with protein powder and a piece of Ezekiel bread with hummus. By the end of the day my hormones felt stabalized somewhat.

I even feel good today. I've been praying with my roommate and on my own a lot about it. Jesus experienced depression; God knows how it feels like quicksand. I'm going to CVS to pick up my prescription today, finally. I just hope that jumping back to 20 mgs won't cause an effect similar to yesterday.

On the bright side, today begins week two of winter quarter; that's progress. I'm going back to work, weather permitting, 3-6pm Monday through Friday. (I work at an afterschool program for disadvantaged elementry school kids in the local city schools. Because of the weather they didn't have school last week, so I haven't seen them since before winter break! Miss those guys.)

Also, I'm going to Columbus this weekend to be a part of a fundraiser for an orphanage in Thailand called the House of Love. One of my friends lived there as a volunteer last summer and she's helping to organize the night of information, Thai food, and generosity.

I'm missing the annual Walk for the Homeless, which raises awareness here in Athens for the large number of people who live without shelter. I've never taken part in the Walk, but my room mate Jane works for Good Works and I've heard her describe it quite a few times as she has recruited our friends over the past few months:

Apparently there are a few different walks you can be a part of, one of which is side-by-side with men and women who have been or are currently homeless. The whole idea is to raise awareness of the vast number of homeless people in Athens County by putting a face on the issue. Meet people who are or have been homeless, talk to them about their lives or just relate to them as fellow Americans and humans. After walking there's a meal of beans and rice eaten in solidarity to think of the rest of the world who sustains on that alone.

So that's what's been on my mind lately. I hope I'm able to share more meals (and less emotional crap) with you over the coming week!

Friday, January 8, 2010

Music Meditation

In my quiet time today I felt as if I should hit "shuffle" on my iPod and interpret whichever song came on to be from God. I've interpreted music accordingly since I was pretty young - music hits a place inside that's hard to reach; that place that often hurts. I'd like to let God into that place.

I got "Poison and Wine" by The Civil Wars. Here are the highlights:


You only know what I want you to
(I know everything you don't want me to)
I'm so silly and I always think that I can hide things from Him, i.e. ulterior motives, lusful or otherwise impure thoughts, or being locked into an image-driven mindset.

Oh your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine
(Oooh you think your dreams are the same as mine)
A lot of the time I don't like what I hear from him; the things I should or shouldn't do. .Although reading of his love for me in the Bible is intoxicating...I'm so set on graduating and going into the Peace Corps - what if that's not the best I can do? Perhaps he has bigger things in mind.

Oooh I don't love you, but I always will (x3)
I always will
He doesn't love my sins, which at times consume my thoughts and actions, but He'll always love me.

I wish you'd hold me when I turn my back
(Ooh the less I give, the more I get back)
When I'm stuck in my own ways, choosing sin or my own interests above others - which is quite often - I want His affirming embrace most of all. But through positive reinforcement He guides me away from sin and to an others-focused mentality.

Oh your hands can heal, your hands can bruise
(I don't have a choice, I still choose you)
When I'm not in his grace, my selfish actions have a way of bruising my ego. Now that I know the truth, that God is real, when I don't live what I've learned and I take steps backward on the path, I eat it. Something happens that shows me, "Wow, I'm an idiot on my own." Like last week when I had my 'Day of Mourning' and wrote the New Year's entry. I do have a choice, but I still choose Him.

Oh I don't love you, but I always will (x7)
 I always will (x4)

God doesn't love my sinful ways, but he loves me everyday more than I can imagine. I'm learning that as I count the number of times he reaches me, even when I'm the most self-focused rut.

Sometimes I don't like him, but I'll always love him. When I want to do something my way or when I don't want to make a fool out of myself by telling the girl at the bus stop that "I feel like God's telling me to let you know that He loves you," I choose my comfort over the abundant joy that's available on his path.

I feel truly alive when I'm serving others and meeting their needs. I loose myself in the well being of another person and it's so freeing! It generally accepted that part of human health is a spiritual outlet - I believe we as humans were created to live in a relationship with God. Humans all over the world practice prayer and meditation not because we're collectively weak but because we're strong enough to forgo our own needs.

**Question: Do you exercise yourself spiritually? If so, how?

Thursday, January 7, 2010

healthier state of mind, and body

tonight's dinner was a heaping plate full of veggies, drizzled with some Drew's raspberry salad dressing, olive oil, and pepper. More specifically, steamed vegetables and brown rice next to a salad. To end it all, a glass of red wine. Lovely :) My room mate, Jane, and I are watching some aweful Matthew McCaughnehey movie called Sahara.

I purposefully took some time in between these last two posts to work though the strong negativity I was feeling. I can honestly say that I'm feeling like a different person. I came back to school to start winter quarter, car and computer fixed thanks to my dad and my brother.

I've worked out twice this week, well on my way to meeting my goal of three times every week this year. Those much needed endorphins worked with my revised diet to make me feel rejuvenated. I've been praying and making time for quiet this week too.

I'm going to the grocery store tomorrow and I plan to buy:
1. Ezekiel bread
2. WholeSoy soy yogurt
3. Cauliflower and carrots
4. Sweet potatoes
5. Grapefruit
6. Salad dressing
7. Hummus (one of my food groups)

***Question: What's a sauce you'd eat on just about anything??

Friday, January 1, 2010

Happy Fucking New Year

Mom: "Morgan, I only have three of your socks."
Me: "Yep, that sounds right."
"Your socks don't come in pairs?"
"Nothing in my life comes in pairs."

I was less than surprised that my unorganized mess of a room failed to yield an even number of garments for the washing machine. 2009 was chaotic. My GPA tanked last quarter, I've lost a third of my clothes and the other two thirds are dirty, the company I ordered that text book from can't find a copy to send, I've gained about 50 pounds so my self-confidence is all over the place, I can't find the internship that I need in order to graduate, my house has mice - and therefore poop in surprising locations. Everything is erratic and I don't feel as if there's any person or feeling that I can rely on. My friends in Columbus aren't around when I'm in Athens, and to my friends in Athens I feel dispensable.

Similarly, my car broke down because I ran over a cement curb, puncturing the fuel tank and coolant (tank?). I did not realize this and tried to drive to Columbus for its repair, further damaging the engine and warping the head gasket (whatever that is). That was about three months ago and it's still in repair. My dad is an auto mechanic in his free time.

My laptop charger stopped working about halfway through the quarter (end of September), so I bought a new one on Ebay that took three weeks to arrive and stopped working the next day. My dad bought me a good one, only to have the computer stop charging entirely. Six weeks and a new computer part later, my laptop sits disassembled and scattered across two rooms and two tables. My brother is orchestrating it back to one piece as I write this.

My cell phone is the one electronic item that I own that sticks in my hand as an ally. It has rung AAA and 911 like a champ regardless of the number of times I drop it from waist height. It's also, come to think of it, one of the few objects in my life I have not named (i.e. my iPod is tikka and my car is Rocky). One small crack in its mirrored face is the only scar of its durable nature despite a rough lifestyle.

I've had my fair share of crappy New Years Eve situations, and this one was no different. Better, perhaps, than the one spent driving to a party - but at least then my best friend was with me and we got to honk the horn and be obnoxious. Different, for sure, than my senior year of high school; my desperate attempt at a relationship lost in a mud of hormones.

The world just swirls around me, as I spent the moment the ticker flipped to 00:00 this morning. I spent a few seconds navigating the crowd in search of my friends before resigning to stationary solidarity. I found them a few minutes later and we left the large crowd to take shots and watch It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (note my inebriated tweets...). Someone ordered pizza from Hound Dog's and I decided to make it "vegan" by pulling off the cheese and pepperoni. So that, my friends, is how I celebrated a new beginning: four beers, a few shots, and shotty pizza in my belly. At least I slept well in a friend's clean bed.


I wouldn't have noticed it was a new decade - or even a new year - as the day was unremarkable. Alas, calamity continues as I gather what I can from Columbus and transport it to Athens. Winter quarter starts Monday and I'm not ready for the homework, new classes, or working five days a week. I'm exhausted in a way that no amount of hours spent in clean beds can ease. I've been running an emotional race and I believe that God provides the rest that I crave. I've been trying to reach out to him for the past few weeks, but I feel myself drifting into narcissism.

If you ever miss college because you remember hanging out with friends until early morning and sleeping in, indulging in beer and pizza or some other localized greasy equivalent, just remember that those things were surrounded by another, larger feeling of unease. This period of life called "college" is essential, but emotionally and mentally rigorous.

So as a new years resolution, I'm implementing balance - or trying to.

I apologize for my giant rant of a post. It's the beginning of a bloggier 2010. I need a hobby to keep my sanity. More photos are in the future!!