2am update

I'm up uncharacteristically late tonight, updating my twitter and blogger backgrounds. That's normal, right??

So those no-bake date and nut cookies? One left. I pretty much ate them all. No one wanted any. Normally I'm a little offended when no one will try one of my creations, but this time I was happy to have them all to myself. Not joking, these were so effing delicious!! Definitely will make them again. Unfortunately I paid for my overindulgence today by experiencing some *gastrointestinal distress*. What? Dates are a laxative??

If any of you live in the Columbus area, you've got to check out a great tea spot that I just discovered. It's caled Tea Zone and it's off of Bethel Road (across from my favorite Banana Leaf!). I took my brave friend Karin and the two of us caught up on months of business once we discarded our shoes and took at seat at one of the tables that are recessed into the floor. The tea was served with some sort of sweet bread and a funky little sand timer to measure the tea's brewing time. I received some of their jasmine loose leaf tea for christmas - Teavana educated me in the art of proper tea brewing and I haven't enjoyed a cup of blah Tazo since.

My good friend Adina, the resident tea afficionado, raves about a spot in Westerville called something turtle...I'll find out details and let you know. I've yet to go there, but hopefully before I start classes next week (yikes) I'll have a chance to go.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, y'all!!

In lieu of a typical cookie, I opted for a no-bake date based treat from Vegan Planet - a cook book that my omni family highly recommends. I was astonished by the layers of flavor that such a simple concoction made; the only ingredients were dates, nuts, a bit of coco powder, a hint of vanilla, and some coconut to roll the balls in. I'll take some pix tonight at family Christmas #1 to show them in their fully displayed glory.

I hope you all have a chance to spend today with family and loved ones. I've found that's what's most important to me. I also celebrate the birth of Jesus and his sacrifice for my eternal relationship with God. Whatever you celebrate, do so with fervor and thankfulness!

Brownie Hell

 I have returned to Columbus until the beginning of the new year, feeling better, and holding down a job at a local family-owned (not vegan)brownie shop. Allow me to rephrase: working my ass off at a local, family-owned brownie shop. Said shop does not run in shifts, instead each employee stays for however long he or she is available every day. That means that I work from 6:30AM to somewhere around 7:30PM Monday through Thursday, fewer hours on Friday, and not at all on Saturday or Sunday. This arrangement is only for the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve (Or, in my case, this past Monday to Christmas Eve) - when the shop needs help with their holiday rush.

I start my day, blinking and bleary at 6AM. Making my way up to the kitchen to grab my prepared lunch and a piece of fruit, I retrace my steps countless times to collect the daily necessities. I blast the heat in my mom's car to melt the ice off of the windshield and my ears. The shop is a 15 minute drive of dark solitude away from my parent's house.

The factory where the brownies are made is behind the storefront. We soldiers of the batter arm ourselves with caps, aprons, and rubber gloves to shield the onslaught of chocolate, cooking spray, and human flesh. (Okay, maybe not that last one. But seriously, vegans, they use around 1200 eggs a DAY. And so much butter. The company's contract with Sysco has got to be enough to feed a small country for life.

So why do I work there, you ask? I hang out with my friends all day, baking and making lots of money. I've worked there for a couple of seasons now. It's not a living, it's a way to make some much needed cash in college. Everyone has to choose their battles, and I've chosen mine. I wish I could save the world by being 'Super Vegan', but all I would accomplish is an empty bank account. There are no 100% ethical places to work that pay the bills.

I do love working at the Little Shop of Horrors. Although I stand for up to 13 hours a day, it keeps me occupied. It's fun to see all of the(literally 14,000) brownies go through the rotation every day. I could use the exercise, and I talk to the people I work with about veganism. It's cool. So that's been my life since my last post. I finished my Christmas shopping after work today and plan to do some Christmas baking with my mom. Each member of our family was to choose their favorite Christmas cookie, and I have yet to decide...

Sicky McSickerson

I've come down with something nasty (I think I'd have worse body aches if it were swine. I'm banking on bronchitis.) and I went to the store (Kroger) to find some natural cough drops - or any cough drops that were sugar-free. Since I was young my dad has maintained a theory on cough drops: they should always be sugar-free because the sugar feeds the bacteria in your throat, worsening the situation. My hopes were dashed when I found the only "natural" cough drops contained aspartame. I steered clear and purchased Traditional Medicinal's Throat Coat tea.

I know it seems dumb to run to Kroger in search of a natural product, but as it was 8 pm The Farmacy was closed. Also, the Kroger in Athens has the best natural/organic food/product section I've seen from the chain. They had all kinds of teas and remedies that I have heard have minimal effect and only produce "expensive urine", but no cough drops.

My question for you is, what do you do for cough and cold relief? Do you know of any brands of cough drops that are truely natural and also sugar free?

Shepard(less) Pie for the Family

After dinner with a friend at one of my favorite restaurants in Columbus, Banana Leaf, I spent the remainder of the evening slaving over a hot stove to prepare for a family gathering today. The omnis of the family (everyone except for me)will have lasagna, bread, and salad, but instead of making a veganized version, I decided to whip up a seasonally appropriate dish. I adapted happyveganface's recipe for shepard's pie to include lentils, broccoli, cauliflower, and cellery. I also used soymilk instead of rice and a completely differnt marinade - spice mustard, soy sauce and garlic - for the tempeh. I must admit it smelled amazing as I put the finishing touches on the dish. I left my camera in Athens for the weekend, but I'll take a picture on my phone or something.

As it is a birthday celebration, there will be cake. I'm trying to cut out a lot of refined sugars and grains, so I opted to make a fruit tart with wheat flour instead - an apple, rasin, walnut tart to be exact. It didn't work the way I wanted it to...I tried to leave it at home but my family is insistant that I bring it. The crust seems tough. The apples didn't let out any juices and just sort of dried up.

I wouldn't be embarassed or anything, but one of my aunts is a professional chef and specializes in amazing deserts. She once had a coniption fit when I was baking cookies at her house because my cousin and I decided to make "free form" cookies instead of perfectly round ones. She's rather judgemental. It's not like I put my heart and soul into the tart - it was an afterthought, really.

I'll just let them know to enter at their own risk and not think less of my cooking ability - or the tastiness of vegan deserts. I'll make something really awesome for Christmas. Any suggestions for a tried-and-true favorite?? I'm willing to go all out. This shepard's pie took me four hours. Not kidding. I cook slowly though.

Now I'm just on a roll

Check it: two posts, two days in a row. I'm on a roll.

I wanted to share with you the delicious breakfast I just threw together. I sliced a honeycrisp apple, warmed it in the microwave for about 20 seconds, topped it with cinnamon, and sprinkled a few walnut pieced on top. Hot green tea rounded out the meal and now I need to get my butt out the door to go give blood at noon.

This will be the second time I've given blood. The first time I watched a girl in front of me pass out and knock a bunch of shit over. I had been talking to her for about a half an hour before she went behind the little curtain thing to get her finger pricked. I was like "see ya!" after that, until the people next to me saw my expression and said "You look like you're freaking out. It's really not that bad! Awe are you a freshman??" (To which I replied either "Fuck no, are you chinese?! Didn't think so" or "No, I'm a junior", I can't remember which.) Somehow that was comforting and I stayed, gave blood like a champ, and sported the arm gauze for the rest of the day.

Wish me luck!!

Back to Reality

Please excuse my previous post, as it was incredibly sentimental and cheesy. Such ideas need to be written on paper and kept in a drawer, not posted on the internet. I apologize.

Now I want to focus on eating healthier. Because it's available at my parents' house, I've been eating conventional peanut butter and lots of processed foods and I can definitely feel the difference! Not only have I gained a lot of weight, I'm battling headaches and fatigue like crazy.

I'm going to the grocery store either today or tomorrow to pick up some fruits and veg. I'll probably get some quinoa and natural peanut butter (!). I'm definitely in a food rut and I could use some help.

I'm looking to eat a bit lighter and non-processed. Any tips? Also, do you make your own salad dressings or what do you put on your salads?

NYTimes Photo Essay

Perhaps even more than the message of this work, I love its composition. The photographs are stunning and it's easy to read. Nonetheless it held a choice thought around this gluttonous holiday that I took full part in, from cooking to eating. My favorite part of the article was when the author posed these questions:

"

Can giant agribusiness shrink while true organic farms grow? Can the elitism of a farmers market shift so that the organic farms can be subsidized and that prices are reasonable for all people? That would be the democracy of healthy eating."

What do you think?

My Thanksgiving was bittersweet this year. We're all aware this is the last holiday season for my mom's parents; even they know. My grandfather suffers from Parkinson's and my grandmother is addicted to pain pills. He lives at a rehab-to-assisted-living center and she lives alone in the hose they've shared for 50-plus years (at her choice). It's scary how quickly my grandpa went from coherent to comatose -- especially because I only saw him on holidays. Now my family has been given the opportunity to bond over their care. The ten of us first cousins are all right around college age and (almost) all of us are willing to stop by the center to feed him dinner and to hang out with him. If I lived in Columbus year-round I would definitely be there more often; as it is I go whenever I'm home for the weekend.

My grandpa knows it the end of his life. He's confident of where he's going afterward, but one thing holding him back is the well being of my grandmother. He worries who pays her bills and who waits on her hand-and-foot (as she has become accustomed to and now demands of the rest of the family). I love my mom's dad so much, and wish I could have been older to hear his stories and to learn from his experience.

Last night I realized that everything I know about him I've learned through other people. I do feel like he and I have an unspoken understanding, somehow. He fascinates me because he's such a strong and accomplished man. He's a WWII veteran, married for 59 years, raised four boys and one girl, provided for his family with a job as a airplane engeneer, and yet he has this peace about him. He is so incredibly loving, and from him and my dad I've obtained my view of God. I have those two men to thank for the life of peace and love that I am incredibly fortunate to experience. He's the only one of my grandparents I've really loved, because he's the only one of them I can respect.

I've never experienced the death of a family member -- or anyone closer than a high school friend. I'm just so thankful that I have such a supportive group of people! I saw last night that I can count on my mom's side of the family, who I've never had much of a relationship with before. Growing up my cousins were the "cool kids", they were intimidating and as much as a I loved them, I didn't dare trust them.

No more. My cousin Jen and I surrounded my grandma as her husband was ushered out of the house in a wheelchair. My cousin Ashley sat with one arm behind my aunt Melissa for nearly an hour as she composed herself after watching the scene. Earlier in the day, I sat with Ashley in her car for the same amount of time as she spilled her feelings about her parents' divorce -- the first in our big family. Even the three boys who are a year younger than me have become so warm and interesting. With a wiked sense of humor they round out the kind of people with whom I'm priveleged to share blood.

I could go on and on about how much I love my mom's side of the family. And like discovering a pearl in that old 'shell' you brought home from the beach, they've been on my dresser this whole time.

I'm Back!!

Hey y'all. My computer has been out-of-use for the past three weeks because my power cord broke. Right away I used my room mate's computer to order a new one on e-bay but, coming from Hong Kong, it took three weeks to get here. It arrived just a few hours ago, so I'm in the process of updating everything (including this blog).

Current food loves include the pumpkin bread my room mate adapted from AllRecipes. We baked four loaves and are on our last one. No one can eat just a slice! It's moist and deliciously spiced. Chocolate is great too. The Kroger value brand of chocolate chips don't have milk in them. Some carob chips are good too - but some are really gross - what's up with that??

Luckily I only have two exams this quarter, both next week, so I have very little to do this week. I'm trying to study some around working and babysitting. I'll be back in forth between Columbus and Athens for the next few weeks. I'm looking forward to the family time, and hopefully I'll have the time and motivation to try some new recipes! My mom is usually more cookbook-oriented than I and therefore I make legitamate meals when she's around. Otherwise I tend to bake squash, cook dried beans, and make things from boxes - none of which is interesting enough to publish online. I do have a few pictures for you. I'll publish them with my next post!

Secret Recipe Revealed

Here's my roommate's recipe for the pumpkin chocolate chip cookies I featured in a post a bit ago. She has since made them twice (though probably just half of a batch - maybe 30 each time) and they never last 24 hours in my house.

This is Jane's mom's recipe. She makes a batch and passes them out to all of her neighbors. She's an art teacher and while her recipe isn't vegan, it's easily veganized:

I 30-oz (BIG) can of pumpkin

3 cups of sugar

3 tsp cinnamon

3 tsp baking powder

3 tsp baking soda

1 1/2 tsp salt

3 tsp vanilla

1 1/2 cup vegetable oil

3 eggs replaced with Ener-G or other

6 cups flour

vegan chocolate chips

bake on greased cookie sheet at 350 for 10-15 minutes.

Jane says, "if you make this recipe in full it makes soooo many cookies, probably 100. so i suggest you halve it - i don't think i've made a full batch in a while. and if you're short on a few of the ingredients you should be okay - i always forget something." For half of a batch use one 15-oz can of pumpkin instead of one of the huge 30-oz cans.

Spaghetti Squash

I forgot to take pictures of the pumpkin pancakes because they didn't last long. Everything Jane bakes turns to delicious and disappears - just take her pumpkin chocolate chip cookies, for instance. This photo was taken 24 hours after she baked her nuggets of vegan gold:

I walked into the other room and it was gone when I returned.

Inspired by VeganMoFo madness, I've taken to photographing my meals more frequently. Unfortunately for you all, you will see what I eat. It's not very exciting and it's always cheap. I only buy things on sale - unless it's a staple item like cashews or broccoli.

Tonight I baked a spaghetti squash (79 cents a pound at Kroger- whud up) and prepared what I like to call "curry rice" (aka 2 cups of brown rice + 4 cups water + about 2 Tbsp red curry powder + about 2 tsp garam masala + about 1 Tbsp vegetable oil) in my handy dandy rice cooker. Check it:


Sorry I don't have a light box or anything. My pictures are sub-par. But wouldn't it be kind of ridiculous if I glorified brown rice and plain spaghetti squash? I could go on a tangent about how awesome s squared is, though. it GROWS like that. Just look at all of that fiber; eating the entire thing is probably the equivelent of taking like 2 laxatives. Fuck yes.

Another amazing freak of nature are pomegranites. Last week I discovered the joy of adding the seeds to my cereal (Kashi Heart to Heart Cinnamon, at the moment). SO GOOD. You have to try it.

BTW I got that Westsoy Plain Soymilk at Krog for about $3 and it's huge. I love sales. (Don't tell me how much it's actually worth. I have self esteem to protect and I get my self-worth from my sale-hunting skills.)

I added black pepper and some fresh basil to the squash. Yum.

I do cook,

contrary to what you may believe from the status of my blog. Guess I'm not cut out for blogging. I can live with that.


One of my room mates made these (vegan!) pumpkin chocolate chip cookies to celebrate the return of canned pumpkin to our local Kroger. They are seriously the best cookies I've had in a LONG time. They're fluffy and sweet, with the perfect amount of chocolate to balance the earthiness of the pumpkin.

The Kroger in Athens only gets its pumpkin (and many other items) in-state and apparently Ohio did not produce enough of it last year. To celebrate the coming of nos amigos gordos y naranjas we've stocked up on enough pumpkin to sufficently theme the weekly post-church brunch that we host for all of our friends and acquaintances. Pumpkin pancake photos to come!! Hopefully they'll turn out as well as the paw paw pancakes.

I've been super busy with my job with an afterschool child care program, which I absolutely love. I should really work with kids as a career. Forget journalism. Once I stopped obsessing over Cosmo I haven't wanted to work for a magazine anyway. We shall see where I end up...I'll leave it up to God.

I'm really into Zooey Deschanel's band, She & Him. I blame my room mates. But really, she's a talented actress who doesn't take herself too seriously, she's a vegan, and she just married Ben Gibbard of The Postal Service. That's a celebrity I'm willing to respect.

Back in the Swing of Things

Classes started yesterday, and I only had two. I was in class from 9:30 to noon. If I get to do college like this, I want to stay here forever!! It's a whole different atmosphere when I have a house off campus and a car in case of emergencies.

We're decorating the house slowly, but nearly every box is unpacked at this point.

The walk to class is a bit taxing, which I love. Anyone who knows me knows that my only regular forms of exercise are walking and riding my bike. Yesterday I rode my bike to Kroger (there's a bike path along the river that goes straight past the back of the stores in Athens), but I over loaded myself...On the way home I dropped and ran over my big box of lettuce! I thought it was hilarious. The roller bladers who had to go through my mess thought differently.

That's basically as eventful as my life is these days. As far as food, I've shifted from cereal to salads. Still no pictures for you. I plan to start cooking recipes in the next couple of weeks.

We've already done a couple of dinner parties here at the house. The first featured eggplant parmesan, by Anna. The second was breakfast-for-dinner, by Jane. Jane has been a vegetarian for five years and we call Anna the 3/4 vegetarian. She doesn't buy or cook any meat herself. She makes a mean veggie burger and rocks out hummus on a regular basis. She still orders chicken at restaurants, but she plans to give that up in the name of animal rights.

So that's my life right now. I'm learning the quirks of this old house and starting a new semester at school. But I love my life and the amazing girls in it!!

Kashi cereal is sustaining my existance

I moved into my house in Athens last night YAAAAAAYYY :)

I don't have any furniture with me yet, so I'm sleeping on an air mattress and living out of a suitcase. It's kind of fun. My room is being painted right now, so I'm just chilling in the living room, setting up my empty picture frames. I'm not sure if it's creepier to have no decorations or a bunch of pictures of strangers posed in department store fashion.

There's nothing for me to show you because all I'm eating is Kashi cereal and raw cashews. Oh yeah and the occasional piece of dried mango.

I'm applying for jobs like crazy town. So far I have one interview on Thursday for a kids after school homework help position.

One major downside to my house is the odor from the KFC across the street. It keeps wafting in through the windows, ugh!!

Retiring from babysitting and some tasty cous cous

Today was my last day of babysitting EVER. Seriously, I'm retired. I'll babysit my nieces and nephews, or my friends' babies, but no more prostituting my ego and gas money for me, measly pennies.

It's strange how no diss hurts more than one from a nine-year-old. Children state the obvious about the way that you look unabashedly. I wish they understood "polite" conversation does not include imitating the shape of a person's nose with sound effects or relating to the clarity of a person's skin with that of a raspberry. ouch.

Luckily today I only had the 13-year-old, since the younger two started school. We went to Easton to visit Teavana, my new favorite little shop. You should check them out. The salespeople teach you a lot as you select your loose leaves.

The picture above shows Brittany modeling some stilettos at Steve Madden. I still shop like a middle schooler: always touching and trying things on without actually buying. That's what happens when you're perpetually broke. At least I clean up after myself, though.

I came home starved, as I'd only eaten a Clif Bar for lunch (Blueberry Crisp flavor). I threw together a tasty concoction you can see below:
I browned some onion with garlic and added basil, terragon, and chili powder. Then I sliced and added a tomato we grew in my parent's backyard and some chickpeas. Then I poured in 1/3 cup of whole wheat cous cous and 1/3 cup water and let it soak up the water for five minutes. At the end I stirred in a small handful of raisins and sliced avocado on top. I've been obsessed with avocados lately.

Speaking of obsessions, babysitting got me back in the loop of the good shows on Disney Channel. I'm watching (and laughing out loud at)Phineas and Ferb as I write this. It's about two boys spending their summer vacation building insane inventions. It's so sarcastic and witty. It speaks to me.

My absolute favorite is Wizards of Waverly Place. Far from Harry Potter, the main character is super sassy. Disney has sure amped up their comedy from that sitcom trash they used to play.

Tonight I'm going to see Inglorious Basterds, which is supposed to be good. Cool.

Go listen to: Ben Folds and Regina Spektor - You Don't Know Me

If I could hire a private chef, I would hire someone who was born in India. I went to dinner at Taj Mahal last night, tomorrow I'm getting lunch with a friend who really wants to eat Indian (any suggestions as to which restaurant we should go to?)tomorrow afternoon, and I'm getting dinner at Banana Leaf to celebrate the first day of Ramadan with Sheema, (my fellow non-muslim friends) Katie, and Ashley.

Afterwards the less morally inclined of us will join my parents party already in progress. To paint a picture for you, one year I was greeted at the door of the luau by our family friend, Stu, dressed in a coconut bra and grass skirt over only a pair of khaki cargo shorts. The loud and confusing encounter prepared me for what was inside.

Okay, my family is sane most of the time, but we sure know how to let our hair down.

I will finally be finished babysitting on Wednesday, which will be a relief. On Tuesday we went to Cedar Point. I skipped out on some of the really big coasters, but I revisited some old favorites like the Magnum, Blue Streak, and Gemini. It brought back a bunch of memories from going during Halloweekends when I was younger.

Mmmmm - my mom just brought home a ton of chopped bok choy, bean sprouts, and romaine lettuce from her friend the caterer. Hello, salad.

This summer, in between babysitting and church meetings I've been watching a LOT of treash reality TV like Dating in the Dark, More to Love, and Hell's Kitchen. Unfortunately, the only movies I've really seen were with the kids: Aliens in the Attic, G-Force, Paul Blart Mall Cop, and Transformers 2, but also Funny People and Night at the Museum 2 with Katie.

I hated everything except Night at the Museum! I never saw the first one so I plan to soon.

In my spiritual life I felt pretty stagnant at the beginning of the summer. A couple of weeks ago I finally voiced those feelings to the people around me. The girls in my homegroup didn't really react...at all. Mom mom, on the other hand, offered to start studying with me every morning before we both go off to work. It's been such a great experience praying and reading the word with her in the morning! It has completely transformed the spiritual tone of my summer. Now, I feel as if God has been usuing me this whole time. He's blessing me with the comfort of my parents' home for the last time. In a little over a week I'll be moving into my first house, where I'll live for two years, until I graduate and move God knows where.

Big changes lie ahead...I'm excited more than anything. Life begins here.

I'm Mad at Myself

Go listen to: The Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Heads Will Roll

I'm mad at myself for not posting this summer, like, at all. What the hell.

Well, I may as well update you on my life as of late. I babysit throughout the week for a family with three kids. They're a major challenge but I love them.

My hair has purple in it, thanks to my cousin Ashley who works at Jolie Laide. There are purple extensions throughout the sides, cut to a match the length. I'm in love with it. If you live in Columbus, consider going there for your next cut. I'm completely honest when I say it's the best salon I've ever been to. Penzone's included.

I've been doing as much of my shopping at the Clintonville Community Market as possible. It's right next to the school that I went to for eleven years, so the whole area makes me nostalgic. Plus I like to support the co-op, of course.

I have a few photos of food that I prepared at the beginning of the summer. I'll load them very soon - for now I'll tell you what I've been into more recently:
-Peanut Butter Puffins cereal
-Ezekiel 4:9 bread (that's nothing new)
-Almond Breeze, vanilla unsweetened
-Medjool dates
-Whole wheat pasta covered in nutritional yeast, olive oil, and black pepper
-Biting into an apple, then eating a pecan, and repeating

I hang out with my mom a lot. We drink a lot of wine and sit in the backyard talking about everything. It's nice but I'm really bored in Columbus. I'm itching to get back to Athens and to move into my HOUSE!!

Summer! Part One

I should really post something!! Before I left Athens I had aspirations of posting frequently, inspired by visions of myself cooking vegan banquets every night and documenting them for you all. Alas, I am lazy. I hate washing dishes and I rarely have the time to spend 2 hrs going from pan to plate.

My staples are baked tofu tossed in soy sauce, hummus, soymilk, and ezekiel bread.

Having food on hand 24/7 is quite a change - a change for my scale, that is. I'm trying to stay distracted from that fact with my day-to-day activities. Babysitting for a 9-year-old with ADHD and her two older, hated step-siblings keeps me on my toes. I like taking them out to do things that I remember doing, or wanting to do, as a kid. Today we went to the Anthony Thomas chocolate factory; it was like Willy Wonka without all of the technicolor wonder.

Lalala...well I will share some pictures with you soon - as soon as me and my digicam are in the same room. Ha.

RIP

I just got news that a boy I went to high school with - and who goes to OU with me now - was stabbed and killed at ComFest last night.

The details are fuzzy, but what is known about the altercation is here.

His name is Brian Barbin and he's a good kid. We talk frequently at school, and he deserved so much better than to die at the end of a knife.

If you're religious please pray for his family and friends.

((More posts to come on what I've been doing lately))

Blahh...

As soon as I feel on top of the world...

I've been eating a bit more than usual since I've come home, both because there's yummy food around and because I've stopped obsessing over calories. My lack of photos is testament to the fact that I've been eating without putting much thought or care into the food.

I freaked out this morning, having snacked all night last night, and my mom came into my room as I was crying. I had never had "the conversation" with her regarding my eating disorder and it was finally time.

Overall it went well. She saw me drop 30 lbs last year so it was no huge shock, my friends and extended family all had their suspicions. She asked questions and she let me answer them. Mostly now I just feel really relieved - a weight has been lifted. She knows not to make comments to me about calories or my weight at a given period of time.

The best part was that as she leads a class for women who have been sexually abused she has materials at hand regarding coping mechanisms. She shared a paper with me that had to do with the difference between being responsible to and being responsible for someone. I always take on "project friends": the people who I think I can fix. Instead of listening to them and asking about how they're doing as a person or the root of the problem, I think of the practical solution to the problem. If they don't do what I recommended they do I'm frustrated and hurt.

Lately, too, my dad has been drinking a lot. For a man with a family and personal history of alcoholism, that's no bueno. Thursday night he went out to some bars alone and stayed out really late. He says he met some young kids who "respected him" and he was talking to them about motorcycles - his love. He has been really self-focused and moody, too. My dad is a teaser and lately the only conversations we've had have been him teasing me about food and me laughing them off. It hurts my feelings when he does this, but if he didn't relate to me in that way he wouldn't be talking to me at all. I need quality Dad time.

Rarely do I cry but when I do it's straight-up waterworks. Today was no exception. I couldn't stop and it was therapudic! I didn't even care.

My brother came over while my mom and I were talking and we had a good convo about spiritual attack. Satan is totally getting at me where my weakness lies because I haven't been into the Word on a regular basis or striving for the goals I set for the summer. I fully plan to get on that beginning tomorrow morning. My mom and brother both see the same things in my dad that I do and my mom plans to talk to him about it. (The drinking, the self-focus, and the anti-social mentality)

I've always thought of myself as the glue that held my family together and the stress that creates is immense. I eat when I'm anxious and the anxiety comes from the feelings I leach from my friends and family. I need to learn how to not own other people's emotion (I'm a painfully empathetic person)in order to be a better friend and worker for God.

News

I have something really, really exciting to share with you.

I feel like a new person. Over the past few days it's been a slow progression but I finally feel ready to gain weight. I feel as if a veil named Anorexia has been lifted, and I only have God to thank for that.

The events that preceded my slippery slope of an eating disorder are finally coming to light and I'm able to acknowledge them and move past. I have such an amazing support system here in Columbus - it's great to be back!

I knew this day would come: my self-destructive behaviors have taken quite a toll on my body and now I must deal with the consequences. HOWEVER, I have a healthier take on life than before the massive drop in body weight, i.e. veganism.

Before my lovely vegan friends feel slighted by a girl who only lends fuel to the fire in which omnis insist that all vegans have raging eating disorders, I must clarify. My decision to go vegan stands intact. I love conscious living and my friends and family know that it's 'so me'. I've always teared up at the sight of road kill and named even inanimate objects in an effort to befriend them. As I read in an insightful chapter of Becoming Vegan: regardless of your original agenda in going vegan, many people fall in love with the lifestyle in the process. Healing doesn't mean eating meat (MOM!). Healing means accepting yourself and focusing your energy on making the world a better place, rather than keeping yourself thin.

So to conclude - I 100% plan to remain, and flourish as, a vegan. I've found my soap box. I'm ready to gain weight and attend doctors visit after doctors visit in order to re-start my womanhood...

Follow me as I get healthy inside and out. None of this would be possible without my relationshiop with Christ. We had a long chat last night after the OAR concert - I told him I wanted a relationship and he told me I wasn't ready. I was not happy. BUT, this morning, I woke up and realized that he'd liberated me! :)

ConAgra Blast - Hope for Change?

Oh, ConAgra...karma is a bitch.

I am NOT saying that the people who died or were injured in the blast in any way, shape, or form 'deserved it'. Hell no - my condolences to their families. It's a shame that our current job market forces some to work for companies like ConAgra.

On a purely beurocratic level, I hope this tragedy hurts. Do you know how many animals are murdered at this plant daily? I don't. I can't find the info.

But I did find this article about John Munsell, a former meat-packer who is now an "activist" (I assume they mean a food safety activist). He hates on ConAgra hardcore.

Anyway, the whole point of my post was to send my hope out into the universe that today's horrible accident will inspire tougher regulations on such factories. Not only inspections of the facilities themselves, but more practical solutions in the way of slaughterhouses. While I'd love to shut them all down today, that's not going to happen. The best we can hope for is a small difference - tougher regulations that make it more expensive for companies like ConAgra to run a slaughterhouse. If it were cheaper for them to do it another way (is there another way? a more sustainable, humaine way? ::sigh::) they would - it's all about making bank.

I hate this!! I hate that the murder of helpless creatures persists.

I suppose all that I can do is continue to live as vegan as possible and to educate those around me on the cruelty involved in this senseless industry.

Go listen to: Ray LaMontagne - Empty

I get to come home on Wednesday!! At this point all I'm doing is eating and watching movies online. No studying. No exercise. I've even gotten into vegan junk food like oreos and these freezable fruit smoothie things they sell in our markets. I just had three of them.

It's time to go home.

I'm very 'all or nothing' so I loose the ability to work in moderation when stress comes along. Sometimes I get really into exercise or sleep. This week it's eating, apparently. I'm not worried, though, I'll have plenty of veg and whole grains all summer...

My parents visited my aunt and uncle in Fort Wayne, Indiana this weekend. They're surrounded by amish farms and they grow a bit themselves. Mom and Dad came home with tons of home-grown goodies and even a few plants from my aunt's greenhouse!

That boy I told you about earlier is trying to redeem himself. We'll see how it goes. I'm very old-fashioned: I won't call him or text him first. He has to make all of the effort and I also have high standards for the way I think he should treat me. (Sounds healthy enough, but this comes from having learned the hard way. My 'type' was the jock asshole who is cocky as hell and doesn't call after the first hook-up unless he wants another. No more of that!!) So far so good - he just gives me a ton of space...don't think there are other girls in the picture, so I can handle space!

Classes = OVER, Exams Here I Come...

Thanks for the comments on my last post, Tracy and Andrew. On second thought they are probably situations that no one would enjoy.

I just saw "He's Not That Into You" last weekend and found it throughly amusing in its truthfulness. It came at a good time, too, as I've been trying to push a certain boy who doesn't seem to want to call me out of my mind.

The last Starving Artists' Lunch is this afternoon! I hope Vegan Cooking Workshop will continue on into next year - I know I'm willing to step up to some responsibility (how's that for commitment??) in place of Boaz. Tuesday night we enjoyed falafel, home made pita, tabbouleh, hummus, baklava, and salad with the infamous dressings we know and love as VCW regulars. :)

I cannot convey my excitement in returning to Columbus for the summer!! I hope to work with Mercy For Animals (I really want to speak to Nathan Runkel again and let him know how he's changed my life...last time I met him I was an omnivore who knew next to nothing about animal cruelty.) and do lots of cooking. Next year I'll return to a HOUSE in Athens - no more dorm life woo!! - so I can continue to cook from here on out! I'll keep you all posted with pictures and recipes.

My current favorite cook book (I still use the training wheels) is Vegan Planet. I find it more user-friendly for a college student than Veganomicon.

I'm off to lunch!

commitment phobe

Go listen to: Iron and Wine - Woman King


I had an epiphany this morning as I was getting dressed for my 9am class (now forgotten, discarded for the pressing matter ahead of me).

I am terrified of commitment.

"Aren't we all?" sparks a voice within.
No, not quite like this.
I go to a school that has a strong reputation for partying. There are "fests" every weekend of Spring quarter, so naturally my friends wanted me to make an appearance at one a few weeks back. I reluctantly said I would join.
This particular "fest" takes place pretty far off-campus. There's no way to get back unless you arrange your own ride, which we were having a hard time acquiring. The tickets had to be purchased in advance. The alcohol had to pass by countless cops who littered the entrance of the neon-orange plastic gate held up by plastic pumpkin-inspired barrels strategically placed for crowd control. Knowing her friend well, H promised she would take care of all of this as long as I actually showed up.
I forgot the final factor: weather.
I attended this fest last year and had a horrible time. There was mud everywhere, clinging to the flip flops it stole from inebriated guests. The "peeing hill" caused the entire field to reek, and I wandered from one group to the next, wondering when and how I would ever return to my room - after a long, disinfecting shower, that is. All of this was on top of room mate issues that forced me to go at the whole ordeal alone.

So this year I spent the entire week prior to the fest with the engagement at the back of my mind. I worried about the weather that promised a repeat of last year. In my mind, I was going to wander alone yet again, hating life and everyone in it.
Thursday rolled around and I could take no more. I told H not to buy tickets (she hadn't yet, adding to my reluctance). She promptly picked up the phone and made other arrangements for her weekend - now her weekend at home 100+ miles away.

Holy shit I never commit. (In my mind that didn't rhyme...)

Similar events float to the front of my mind like bubbles on the surface of a 7-up glass: the time I ditched out on my friend J because I couldn't say I would help him with his project all year. The two clubs I'm a part of that meet on Tuesdays: I never go! I email, give excuses, find a reason to skip out each week. Scheduling for Fall quarter last Friday, for God's sake. I spent nearly a full five minutes contemplating a 9:30am class - could I really promise to be there at 9am every day? But the 1pm was no different - what if I got hungry for lunch around that time?


Oh God, I'm 'that girl.'

I realize that I have baggage just like everyone else. There are events in not-so-ancient history that foreshadow this quirk of mine. I am not the only one who hates to promise something on which I may not be able to follow through...but I never realized I would turn into 'that girl' from the chick flicks. I'm the cute neurotic one that's the butt of all of the jokes. I hate that girl! She make all women look spineless and needy.

Now I'm nauseous, recalling yet more instances my bad behavior. My insanity continues with the resulting fight with myself:
"Remember senior year of high school when you wouldn't join the yearbook because it was year-long comm-"
"I know! Stop using that word!"



Does a synonym for commitment even exist?






How about "death trap."

Bordom

It's no surprise that I've gone over a month without new posts. I've been leaching posts and attending other blogs with more regularity than my classes. My life is so dry and boring at the moment. Honestly it's for your benefit that I haven't posted! I am enjoying the weather ...

In two weeks I'll be home for summer break and that's when I intend to COOK LIKE CRAZY!!

I tried out a new cookbook, Vegan Fire and Spice, when I was home this weekend. Made a sweet potato and chickpea dish that was pretty simple but tasty. As a snack I also made the many bean salad. It had black and kidney beans, peas, and chickpeas in an oil, mustard, and vinegar marinade.

I got a job as an "activities coordinator" for some tweens. Basically I'll drive them to the pool or to hang out with friends and mediate when they try to kill each other. Pays well.

Okay, seriously, there's no point in my writing this. I need to sleep anyway, I have class at 8:30 tomorrow morning and I think I'm actually going this time.

I'd leave you with a picture but I haven't taken any :)

Earth Day, Swimming

Happy Earth Day, everyone

My plants made perfect time in sprouting today. Plant intelligence > human intelligence?? The world may never know - just watch M. Night Shyamalan's the happening. I'm a huge fan of his movies and I'm pretty sure I'm the only one of my friends who leaves the theater satisfied with his work. His work is over-glammed but under-appreciated.

I have mentioned in the past that I am forced to eat in the dining halls of my midwestern college. Every once in a while they will surprise me with a tasty vegan meal, but more often than not I leave the feeding trough annoyed (and with a bag full of stolen fruit). C'mon, they say we can take ONE piece? There's no way what I eat in one meal measures up to the $10 they charge me.

I should start taking my camera to dinner so that I can document my massive cornocopias of salads. They win me stares from omni onlookers, it's humorous.

Two days ago for lunch they served really tasty falafel, for which I was pleased and I complimented it with some hummus. (Note: I'm considering leaving an anonymous tip for the kitchen staff in the form of a hummus recipe. The spacle they label hummus leads me to believe they've never heard of tahini. It's nearly tasteless and there's usually half-crushed canned chic peas in it. Alas, I'll eat anything if I think it's good for me, so I eat their concoction daily.)

For dinner last night I consumed a hummus and guacamole sandwich with sprouts and a side salad. The guacamole didn't taste like straight avocados, which got me wondering: is it vegan? Is it common to mix sour cream in a guacamole recipe? I will ask the kitchen staff at my next opportunity...

Sorry I don't have any original pictures for you. It's been really rainy and cold.

http://implaced.blogspot.com/

On a high note, I just got back from the pool. I love, love the water. I always have. So I celebrated Earth Day by enjoying my favorite part of the earth: water. It's the coolest element, anyway. Fire's too hot, air is invisible and sometimes smells badly, and earth is, well, dirt.

Lazy Monday

There's definitely a possibility that I'm just a lazy person, as this is my second post in a row with "lazy" in the title. Luckily I was prepared for the weather. I walked back from class in full rain gear today, splashing in every puddle I could find; rain boots are great for that.

When I was younger I had the coolest umbrella. It was clear with purple details and it had pictures of minnie mouse hop-scotching on it. My parents got me the cutest things, seriously. I tried to find a photo one like it online but no such luck.

I'm appreciative of all this rain because I know Austrailians would kill for it. The latest Nat Geo had an article about the draught's affect on Austrailian agriculture. The fires weren't the end of the country's worries. This is around when I start to get really cynical about politics and how little governments do for their people. The protection we get according to John Loche's philosophy covers our basic right to clean drinking water.

When I graduate I really want to work for Americorps, possibly teaching or working on an organic farm. Maybe that will open doors for me to work for an NGO in the future and take food and water overseas. That's really what I feel a passion to do, and I know I'm not alone.

I love to chill out with the windows open while it rains. I love to hear the smacking of rain on the catwalk outside. How incredibly spring.

Which reminds me, I saw the most massive rabbit the other day. Hir owners took hir out for a hop in the park - you should have seen that rabbit go!

I can not wait to get settled into a place that will allow for me to have a furry friend. I think my friends with pets are beginning to suspect that I'm more interestsed in seeing their animals than them. They're right.

On a vegan note, they had falafel in the dining hall today. I was shocked. I got three giant pieces in celebration! Plus hummus. I was not disappointed, either. If there's anything our dining halls can do right, it's deep frying. Go falafel go!!

I signed up to attend a local foods cooking class tonight with my friend, but as it's raining I'm not really feeling it. Plus I emailed to ask what vegan options they would have, and apparently only the samosas are vegan. I love me some samosas, but I had them very recently. Have you ever had something prepared really well and it's almost like every time you think of it, you can still taste it? I had samosas at an indian restaurant in Fort Wayne, Indiana while I was visiting my aunt and uncle over spring break. They were delicious and I don't want to taint my memory of them with a samosa rendition that's not up to par.

(Interesting side-note: If you Google "bad samosa"...you won't get ANYTHING that matches. Yet another example of x + fryer = success.)
No wonder they fry Twinkies, Snickers bars, and cheesecake. This could be deep fried animal droppings and some people would never notice, let alone care. When you take a closer look at some of the stuff that people shovel in their pie-hole these days, the animal droppings might just be more nutritionally adventageous. How nausiating is that?

Lazy Sunday

As I've decided to begin observing the Sabbath, I did all of my homework Friday. I'm not following any strict rules for the day, simply not working (and for a full-time student, that would mean homework) and reading some scripture.

I was in public the other day when I overheard one worker say to his coworker, "How's your mental health?"
She replied, "It's much better now," with a tone of annoyance, her eyes never leaving the computer screen she was using.
"I'm not going to bring it up again. I just had to bug you one last time," he said.
From this back-and-forth, along with the adjacent non-verbal communication, I drew a few conclusions: a)The woman had recently taken a mental health day from work b)The man thought this a ridiculous idea and was perhaps jealous of her time off - that is, unless he is the type to think himself a stronger person than she for foregoing the opportunity.

I once took a mental health day from high school. It was needed - I was on the verge of a mental breakdown. Mental illness runs in my family and the transition from private middle school to public high school proved to be my trigger. After much counseling and religious growth I was fine, but it was a bit dicy there for a while. The mental health day came the morning after my lowest point. It helped me because I was able to focus my thoughts for a long, drawn out recovery.

Those who do not suffer from mental illness are fortunate and should heed their blessings in tolerance of others who do. Mental health can be forged, of course, but we still have a long way to go with the recognition of mental illness as a legitimate disease.

Starving Artists Lunch

What an amazing spring day...FOR VEGAN COOKING WORKSHOP. Here's the first of many that I will document for you.

VCW is put on by a group called Conscious Ohio and it is a co-op. On Tuesdays we get together to help cook, eat, and clean a vegan, mostly organic meal. The man who runs it all is named Boaz. He's a hare krishna who loves to share his passion for life (and yoga) with us.

Thursday nights Boaz runs an intro to meditation and yoga philosophy group called reflections. Afterward, yep you guessed it, there's a free vegan meal.

Fridays are actually a lunch we call starving artist's lunch. When the weather is nice we get to chill outside on the green.

I eat vegan so this group is a total gem - I schedule my weeks around it. It is my stability, and if any of you remember from your college days, stability is hard to come by! I doubt I could happily sustain myself without this balanced nutrition. Not only is the food cruelty free, it is also AMAZING. VCW has a following around 300 strong and it's growing in popularity all the time. We have a pretty big artsy/hippie crowd here at the midwestern college I attend.


What you're looking at are noodles in a light creamy sauce tossed with broccoli, green, red and yellow peppers over a bed of salad greens, carrots, cucumber, and pumpkin seeds. There was also a salad dressing that was roasted red pepper vinagrette-esque. To the side we have a chocolate chip cookie - Boaz is famous for these!! He must infuse them with all of the wisdom of yogis past. (No, I do not mean weed. The cookies are really just THAT good.)

After lunch we hung out at a cool little antique shop that didn't allow for picture-taking. Then we wandered some more, cleaned a friend's dorm room, ate dinner, and now I'm in for the night. How many college kids do you know that stay in on a Friday night? In my defense I've had two early exams the past couple of days that kept me up late studying.

Before lunch I was hanging out in the stacks at the library and I found a book about beading, which should be cool. Hopefully it will inspire me to start making some new jewelry. It's been since, um, Christmas.

Have a good evening!! TGIF - relax, yo.

Why

Why am I doing this? Why do I feel the need to blog? Why have I given in and decided to publish my thoughts online regardless of my gut instinct to run vehemently in the opposite direction from my computer?

Because what I have to say is really so important that I should subjugate the world at large to its monotonous cynicism? Nope. Because I find myself unabashedly goofy and unique? Yep. Welcome to my world of nonsense. Call it pretentious but don't call it late for dinner.

I'm a journalism student at a college in the Midwest. I like spinjongle and listening to free podcasts of NPR - especially "Wait, wait don't tell me..."

I have been frequenting vegan blogsites for the past year and a half or so, and I thought it about time I tried to contribute. As a college student living in the dorms, I haven't the opportunity to cook for myself save the vegan coop that I attend weekly. You can look forward to pictures of my Hare Krishna buddies and the amazing ethnic combinations that we whip together.

I consider myself to be a "strict vegetarian", as some of the products I'm forced to use here in the dorms are not vegan. I have been living this lifestyle for about a year and a half. I stopped eating meat as soon as I left home to come to school a couple of years ago.

So this blog will document my quest for a lifestyle more conscious of my eco footprint. I am also very spiritually inclined, so you may well hear of developments in that department as well.

I think that's enough information to start out with, so I wish you all a good day! If you're in the midwest - enjoy the sunshine. :)